My life - mental illness is creativity or danger?
Bipolar disorder is considered creative.
Doctors did not warn me about the social dangers of living with a mental illness, Bipolar Disorder.  Mental Health workers and psychiatrists did not tell me about discrimination or the ADA, the Americans with Disabilities Act.  All the important things I had to learn after I was attacked for being mentally ill.
 - by Michael Lake

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Here is my experience with mental illness:
1. Self Help:  Curing your Mental illness or other issues
2. Mental illness is creativity or danger?
3. Stigma is society's hate crime - a poem
4. My crime is having bipolar disorder
5. Given the time and ability to take care of myself
6. Prevented from taking care of myself
7. False Stereotypes
8. Seeking Help and Not Finding It
* See photos of me protesting
for mental illness support.


1. Self Help:  Curing your Mental illness or other issues

Here are my rules to fix what is wrong in your life:

1. Verify the truth. - False information can make you like society, confused and dangerous.
2. There is no universal cure. - Every person is different and needs to find their own solution.
3. Find out what helps. - It can take trial and error.  Remember rule #1 above.
4. Don't be afraid to ask for help. - Doctors and other people can help.  Remember rule #1.
5. If it is not broke, don't fix it! - Changing things which help can cause more harm than good.
6. When things get better, consider why they did. - See #1, are you sure of the reasons?
7. If you succeed, then fail, don't give up.  Remember rule #3.
8. Take it one step at a time. - You can not know what works if you confuse the issues.
9. Do not eliminate bad thoughts, instead replace them. - It is hard to forget, so find better!

It takes time for people to change, including yourself!  Do not give up or accept blame for weakness.  The failure of the entire mental health industry is loosing focus of wisdom and positive values.  There might be more money for some people if you give up and accept the fate they claim.  Make fate your decision!  Doctors drugs may help but everything in your life has an effect.

Wisdom is knowing how to use knowledge to do good.   Many "experts" simply have knowledge but lack the wisdom to actually help.  Blame schools, government, society, and yourself for not demanding wisdom.

2. Mental illness is creativity or danger?

I have started websites like and to discuss some of my creative ideas. is about my inventions of liquid metal antennas, parabolic discone antenna, liquid metal elastic stretchable wire, etc.  I am keeping separate from this website because some people would attack me for having a mental illness, bipolar disorder.  It is also used for my local contacts and for Amateur Radio clubs (Ham Radio).

Unfortunately, there are people who think my bipolar disorder creativity is another sign that mental illness makes me dangerous (see state breaking law).  I guess you could say, some people were "worried" about the creative ways that I might kill them.  This is a stupid idea, because foolish people due more to destroy their own lives then I could ever imagine.  Why waste my time to be dangerous?

What truly upsets me is that many people do not think about the consequences of their actions and do kill other people.  Look at all the fool's who drive and talk on their cell phone.  Several deaths recently in the Toledo, Ohio, area seem to be caused by people more interested in their cell phone than driving.

Creativity is a way to eliminate potential problems before they happen.  For example, I thought about having a 9 foot CB antenna on my car that would go up and down by remote control.  I could raise and lower it using a TV antenna rotator mounted sideways on the roof of my car.  A magnetic base would attach it to the roof.  However, what would happen in an accident?  The 10 pound rotator could fly off the roof and kill someone.  So, either I need to drill holes or have a better idea.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread?  Creativity is a way to think about things before they happen.  I wish more people demonstrated creativity!

Oct 06 addition:
How the Human Mind Might Work: (Am I somewhat an autistic savant or "idiot savant"?)
I wrote a paper in college, 1995, which has some views about the mind which I still believe are true.  A simpler view is that the mind is an "imagination machine".  Anything that you can imagine in your mind can seem real, or be like it is real, to a mind that has "problems" or otherwise.  I still rely on "mental tools" in my mind to automatically do things for me.  See the complete paper here: mindtext-htm

3. A poem:
Stigma is society's hate crime

Society sent me messages of hope and faith as a child.
When I needed hope as an adult,
I was told it was a personal problem.

Down into a personal hell I sank.
Into this hell came the remarks of how sick I was.
With the voice of authority,
I was told that I was worthless, dangerous, and not wanted.

For over 15 years this stigma was my hell.
I had thought of suicide many times to escape it.
Faith in God, visions and voices battled for my soul.
They showed me my hell was like that of other good people.
The hell of stigma exists among people who live by hate.

When stigma destroys lives, it becomes a hate crime.
In my case I was diagnosed with a mental illness.
But people like me are not the only victims.
Hate picks a victim for appearance, beliefs, origin, handicap or sickness.

The problem is that good people are often blind to hate and stigma.
Stigma has made me feel like a dog, abused, unwanted and alone.
How hard must I try before people can see what stigma has done to me?

Why hope?  When I asked, hate and stigma was the answer.
I pray to God that people will see before hate is all they know.

By Michael Lake -


4. My crime is having bipolar disorder

Many of the attempts to claim that I was a criminal were due to how people saw my bipolar disorder (see state breaking law). Some people are so naive and silly that they think manic is the same as violent.  I am surprised that these same people do not shut down political debates for getting heated.  Some debates look like they are going to kill each other.

When a judge or criminal prosecutor acts mad, and manic, why are they not considered threatening and dangerous?  There seems to be a double standard between "normal" people and the mentally ill.  I might be thrown in jail for behavior that other people would call "blowing off steam" or part of their job.

For example, an upset police man seems far more dangerous than someone with mental illness.  Yet, police have gotten away with injuring and killing people with mental illness because the officer thought they were violent.  Who stops police from murdering people and blaming it on the situation?

5. Given the time and ability to take care of myself

My life with mental illness is not all bad.  If I am allowed to take care of myself then living with mental illness is less of a handicap.  The first main issue is being slowed down by symptoms.  The second is being unable to do certain things until later.  My symptoms can get me confused and have trouble remembering.  My energy and motivation goes up and down.

a.  Waiting until I am better.  There seems to be no trouble with my memory when I am better.  I can also focus ok.  The problem is that I can not predict when I will be better.

b.  Methods to deal with situations.  For example, to avoid missing a bill, I keep a chart of when certain bills are due.  I mark on the chart the date that I pay each bill.  If I look at the chart and see a payment is near, I can take care of it.  (This is also good if I never receive the bill then I know.)

6. Prevented from taking care of myself

When I am prevented from helping myself it can be dangerous for me.  This website provides good examples.  Putting me into a situation of additional threats and fear adds to my confusion and symptoms.  Preventing me from helping myself allows this problem to become worse.

a.  Other people make a difference.  I have been told that I am not wanted unless I can act as a "normal person".  Trying to bring up issues of taking care of myself has resulted in my being harassed (see the VP letters).  Dealing with society is more of a problem than simply dealing with my own issues.  It it not just a "personal problem".

b.  Medical issues - medical opinion: va-award-mental-illness.pdf - The Veterans Administration doctors mention issues of stress and support.  They believe that my BiPolar Disorder is 50% disabling.

When I am "manic" my mind races and each day seems like a week.  Depressed, it seems like days go by and I do not remember doing anything interesting.  I do not seem to be like many people with bipolar disorder, because I usually do not waste my money or do dangerous things.  Instead I think a lot.

I also have had "issues" with anxiety and "disordered thoughts", like mild schizophrenia.  Actually I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder a few times, then doctors changed it back to Bipolar Disorder.  Yes I have had a few "visions" and "voices".  However, my normal imagination is filled with images and sounds.  The only difference is that I had no control over the mental images and sounds when I acted schizophrenic.

For more see Stigma + Bipolar Disorder = Schizoaffective Disorder?.

7. False Stereotypes

It is hard living with a BiPolar (manic-depressive)?
My roommate considers me a good person to stay with.  I am not violent or out of control.  (She lived with a man who hit her in the past.)  Her main complaint is that I have never stopped talking about the issues on this website.  She does not even understand why people think I am crazy.  The worst thing I ever did around her was get upset and walk out on her while at a restaurant!  (In case you were wondering, she is a good friend and not a romantic "girl friend" - a good Christian lady who needed a place to stay. )

Stereotypes can destroy good people
Until you know all the details, what do you know?  This web site is evidence that stereotypes can destroy people.  None of the people claiming that I am a dangerous person seemed interested in finding out all the details or the truth.  That is another reason that I am afraid of them.

8. Seeking Help and Not Finding It

Starting in 2006 I paid for counseling instead of waiting for VA help.  The non-VA counselor said that issues had been my choice in the army and civic group, as if the problems were my fault.  I could have gone AWOL in the army to escape my problems (or kill myself?).  A co-worker was part of the civic group and a constant reminder of the problems.  So, quitting my job was necessary to escape that situation .

Does having worse choices than the ones that I made make me responsible or in control?  This proved to me that I did my best in bad situations.

People giving counseling for mental health should be required to have a little wisdom.  I decided to stop paying for counseling because I was better at helping myself than the counselor was doing.  If I am to find real help then I need to find someone with wisdom.


return to the main page - Mentally ill Under Attack - Evidence about mental illness, policy and law

* - The name for this website,, was inspired by my feelings of hopelessness in dealing with society.  Why should you hope after being attacked and becoming depressed for having a mental illness? © Copyright 2005 - by Michael John Lake +